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| Had this dream a few nights back, wrote it down at the time, still think it's awesome: I had a dream
I was driving a white jeep going down a highway to meet up with Nikki and other people.
It was not night, but it was raining, but the type of road is wet but the clouds are thin enough there's some light.
There was a bus in front of me.
It had oversized tires, and blew out the back right one just before exiting up a ramp that was very steep, it started to the right, then curved back left, then made a U,
like it was going up a mountain.The tire fell off, and push my care and the other Jeep next to me off of the road and down a steep embankment.
I was above this other car, and was shouting instructions to him as to where the tire and I were and where he needed to go to not get hit by either of us.
He and I navigated our way down the mountainside, but just as he reached the bottom a rock under my car gave and I felt my Jeep slipping.
I yelled for him to get out of his car and get away, he was stuck but opened his door and dove away just in time.
My car rolled twice and then I landed on the front bumper of my car and then fell back on the wheels. We continued on, in a borrowed police car, this new friend and I,
he was driving taking me to Nikki and a couple other people at a resturant/hangout. We hit a cop car that was sitting on the exit ramp trying to set a speed trap
but it was like a video game wreck and while he freaked out, nothing came of it. Nikki gave me a bag with some mix CDs that each was in a large envelope
(the manilla-kind size, but regular white) and the envelope had the name of the mix and the songs on it and a description of each song.
One of our friends came out of the resturant and ran over and asked if she could have the CD named "Hang You Up" which had T. Swift, Yellowcard, Jack's Mannequin and Something Corporate on it,
and I gave it to her, saying that I have all of that music already. We were all having a good time and everyone was happy I was ok. Then I woke up. I've been having a lot of very vivid dreams lately and I'm not sure why. I'm also remembering them, which is not usual for me. Peace out
TJ | | |
| If you type "how to get her" into Google, it doesn't autocomplete to "how to get her to like me", "how to get her to notice me", or even "how to get her to have sex with me." It defaults to "how to get her back." Now it might be true that this is simply a function of listing the word with the fewest words remaining, but I'd like to think it's a bit more significant. I say that because I think a lot of guys have figured out pretty effective ways of doing all the other things I listed. Those things aren't hard, at least not if you're willing to employ a few old tricks. The key to the getting her back thing, and why it's a popular search in my opinion, is that there is no easy and effective way. The reason for this is simple: getting her back is the wrong mentality. My recent experiences have led me to firmly believe that you shouldn't want to get "back together" with a former flame. Note that I don't think this is the same thing as starting a new relationship with a person you had a previously relationship with, even if it's two back-to-back relationships with the same person. Some would argue it's purely semantics and in some ways it might be largely a matter of semantics, but that can be more important that people think. One of the best salesman I know recently told me he is extremely careful with his choice of words when with customers because he knows that certain words and phrases drive the sale forward, while others can cause extended stalls. The vocabulary you use can be very indicative of your state of mind concerning an issue. That is why it is extremely important to recognize and change the way you talk and think about a past person of interest. For me personally, that's meant eliminating the idea of getting "back together" with past girlfriends. We are never going to have those old relationships back. And that's a good thing. They didn't work out for a reason. But "back together" implies that you are resuming the past, which isn't (or at the very least shouldn't) be what you want. The other thing that's important in my mind is thinking about the things you like about the person, not the things you liked. People aren't static, they change and grow. Liking things that they were is the same as wanting the old relationship back. Things change with time. You should not want back the person they were when you were in a relationship, you should be wanting the person they are now. If you aren't looking at them as the person they are now then you're doing it wrong. The only thing that should make you want that person is who they are not. It might be that some of those things are the same as the first time around, but none of those things should be assumed. You should have to relearn all of that. I went through a couple of the top links and I can say from experience nothing they said works if the relationship ended for valid reasons. If it was a "someone pissed someone off and there was a fight followed by a break up" kinda thing, then yeah, but that's not what I'm focused on here. The first time I got my heart broken I tried so hard to do whatever to "get her back" and it just didn't work. And it never would have. Because she was a different person and I was too. Memories are wonderful but they're the past, and relationships are about the present. And maybe a little about the future, but not always. In any case, a relationship should be about being with someone who makes you happy now, in the present. Not someone who has made you happy before or someone who you think will make you happy one day. And just because someone fits the last two categories doesn't mean they fit the first. And if they don't fit the first then the other two are irrelevant. Peace out
TJ | | |
| Finally manged to write a whole song. Verses, chorus, bridge. Not saying it's great, good or even decent, but I've been wanting to be able to put together a coherent song for a long time now and am pretty happy that I finally accomplished it. Unfortunately I don't know a good way to post it anywhere that I think only people who I'm cool with listening to it will have access. For now I'm just going to throw the lyrics up here as an excuse for a "meaningful writing" entry, as opposed to the journalistic style I've taken at times. I can forget the taste of your lips
I can forget the feel of my hands on your hips
I can forget the
space
Don't think I forget the look on your face
When I would say good bye and drive away
2 am wishing I could stay another day
Never wanting to leave you alone
Don't think I forget how it feels to leave
Home
I can forget the name of your pet Fish
And I can forget your favorite pasta dish
But when I look into the clear Texas skies
Don't think that I can forget the look in your eyes
When I would say good bye and drive away
2 am wishing I could stay another day
Never wanting to leave you alone
Don't think I forget how it feels to leave
Home
And if you ever wondered what went through my mind
Or how I felt having to leave you behind
I hated it
When I would say good bye and drive away
2 am wishing I could stay another day
Never wanting to leave you alone
Don't think I forget how it feels to leave
Home
And there it is. Chord progression is really basic, but then again most songs do have a very basic progression at their roots. I'm thinking about buying a keyboard/digital piano. I like playing piano but only have access at my parents house and only then when they're not around (reading sleeping or watching TV, which is most of what happens at that house). On a separate note, I started watching Glee, from season 1 last night. I'm already to episode 10. Totally ridiculous drama on the show but I do love all the singing. I didn't realize until recently people exist that don't love musicals. And it makes me sad. Peace out
TJ | | |
| First time making Mac and Cheese is in progress, hopefully it'll be good. It's pretty much all I have for dinner tonight. Beer and Perry the Platypus Mac n' Cheese. Sadly enough, better than my dinner last night, of a bagel with fat-free cream cheese and a bottle and a half of wine. Drinking wine straight from the bottle gives a certain feeling of "I just don't give a fuck" bliss that is both sad and wonderful. Really strange cause drinking wine from the bottle is generally an act associated with individuals in crisis. But I'm not. I've got a good paying job that's more than covering the bills while I get ready to go back to grad school. I've been getting emails and letter from schools inviting me to apply to their graduate programs based on my strong GRE scores. But nevertheless, there I was, polishing off a bottle by myself, singing along to all sorts of songs and having a grand old time. Oh well, it was a fun time. Waking up today wasn't so much fun, but I think that had more to do with the lack of food entering my body until I realized at midnight that I hadn't eaten anything since lunch. Hopefully I can wrap up the week strong and enjoy the weekend. I really did not understand the concept of living for the weekend until I started working the 8-5. It really does just change how you feel about life and time. Before I liked both. Now I want both like a druggie needs a fix. Also, maybe I'll write something worthwhile in the next few days, then come share it here. I'm hopeful, but can't say that I'm optimistic. Peace out
TJ | | |
| Another rough day. Its been a while since its hurt bad, but for whatever reason today it does. I hope she's happy and she's doing well, I sincerely do. But I think hanging out more with other people it just kinda hits me how much I like being around her. Don't get me wrong, the people in around are fun and all, but there's just a different level of trust and understanding that shows even in not serious situations. I think today I miss my friend as much if not more than my girlfriend. I'm trying to be open and make some strong new friendships, but there is only so much you can do and so close you can get in a couple weeks. It just doesn't compare to someone who's helped you through the toughest parts of your life for the last three years. I haven't seen her face this infrequently in like 3 and a half years. I miss it. It's comforting and pretty to look at. Her smile feels like everything is alright. When hers eyes are closed and she drifts to sleep it reminds me about what's important in life and to make the most of the time we're given. Thinking about her and feeling better are inexorably linked and I can't decide if that's a good or a bad thing. I guess for now it's just a thing. Peace out TJ | | |
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